TWOS
The Selfless Martyrs. The Helpers. The Pleasers. The self-sacrificing souls who take every opportunity to be of service. Twos are loving, thoughtful and generous people. Giving, helping and being there for others is their purpose in life. They literally blossom when you ask them for help, because then they feel valued. They are always in a positive mood, do not skimp on compliments and flattery and they make sure that the other person feels validated and motivated. Twos have a talent for fulfilling ones every wish and whim, and often know what the other person needs before they know it themselves. With a focus on others, family and any interpersonal relationships naturally come first. They try to be involved in the lives of everyone they meet and often meddle in matters that are none of their business, justifying their intrusive behaviour with "I'm just trying to help". They see themselves as the right hand of God and seem to be a source of endless love. Twos always have a warm smile on their lips and compassionate looks.
However, often it is difficult to find the same appreciation, which they show to others, in and for themselves, because they are convinced that love has to be earned. The origin of this false belief usually lies in a real or perceived lack of love in their childhood and the resulting conviction that they are only lovable when they are being of use. Thus, the feeling of being needed is fundamental for Twos because it determines not only their value but also their raison d'être. If Twos don’t feel purposeful toward others, they easily fall into an existential crisis "Why am I here? What value do I have if no one needs me?" Yet, they are not even aware of how emotionally needy they are and how they secretly wish for the love, they miss so much, to be requited. They themselves are often completely overwhelmed by unexpected attention shown to them when questioned of their own needs, because that is a question they never really ask themselves. “I'm happy when you're happy” is a common response to shift the focus away from themselves again, because underneath a deep pain lies buried. Because Twos constantly offer their services to others and simply do not have the ability to say no to requests, they are often shamelessly exploited by others. If Twos get no gratitude, or too little at their discretion, they sulk or get snippy. Yet, they quickly forgive the offender, if he or she is insightful and shows remorse for the selfish behaviour. If there is a repeated lack of appreciation and no sense of duty towards the Twos, they can turn into fire-breathing dragons in lightning speed with only a small trigger, and often completely affront others, who are usually unaware of any guilt on their part and are most likely preoccupied with completely different issues. The surging pain of the Twos and their rage is additionally fed by the exhaustion of the non-stop outward flowing energy. The Twos’ hidden expectations towards others are not met and they are consequently scolded for being ungrateful. "You'll see how well you get along without me", Twos withdraw in a huff and lick their wounds. They are painfully reminded of their lack of love and appreciation, but do not see how their behaviour is constantly creating dependent relationships by making themselves irreplaceable and, for example, binding their partner to them, just so they no longer feel lonely, desolate and bereft. When they become aware of their own dependency, some Twos do everything they can to prove to their partner how self-sufficient and independent they are in order to fuel the partner’s own neediness and hence exert hidden control. Thus, Twos have a very strong tendency to play manipulative games. The object of their desire is usually someone who seems somewhat unattainable, because Twos love a challenge in matters of love. Buried beneath their charming and seductive nature lies the pride of being capable of winning over anybody’s heart. Twos also tend to look for partners with status, where they pull all the strings behind the scenes so that some of the partner’s prestige rubs off on them. They do not realize that with all their conditions and attempts to control, they are not giving pure love the space it needs to flourish.
It is absolutely necessary for Twos to appreciate that love is a child of freedom. Love is a gift and any expectation of this gift diminishes its value and wonder. An important, universal tenet to understand is that one’s outside is always in resonance with one’s inside and that giving which has its origin in a sense of lack is always linked to the hope that someone else will fill that lack. It is imperative that Twos find the courage and honesty to admit to themselves this feeling of emptiness. Only then will they be able to recognise their own neediness and, in their withdrawal, turn their gaze inward, accept their loneliness and give themselves the tenderness and attention they so long for. Thus, they will refuel their energy reserves and receive natural respect from people, because nothing is as attractive and appealing as a person who is aware of their true value. In dealing lovingly with themselves, Twos will develop a serenity towards those people who do not show them appreciation and they will learn to trust that they are attracting people into their lives who will love them for who they truly are.